Private Thoughts
of Father Edwin Fairchild

Constantine has come to me, now that we have found a resting place, seeking the Sacrament of Confession. We have had little rest since he returned to Burnham, and the other wizards made him a member of their Order - and we so hurriedly departed.

Bless you my son, what troubles your soul...

Benedic, pater, me quia peccavi...

For my Wizard's Gauntlet, Scintilla took me to Norway, and required me to return to Burnham. I easily found my way to a village, and persuaded a nice young woman to give me food and accommodation for the night. I confess that I felt lust, and that I had carnal relations with her once, early in the night. Her husband returned shortly before dawn, and attacked me with an axe. In defending myself, I believe I may well have killed him. I left the village in a hurry, and had to use magic to scare off the pursuing men. I confess that I felt pride and pleasure in my power.

I reached a small town that evening, where boats were drawn up, and hoped to secure passage back to England. I was speaking to a very pretty girl in a tavern, trying to make her understand what I wanted, although I confess that I was also trying to get her to understand that I desired carnal relations with her. At this point some man punched me in the back. I confess that I succumbed to wrath, and cast fire at him. Unfortunately, the tavern also caught fire, and the flames began to spread through the town. I got the girl out of the tavern, and headed for the docks, hoping to leave on a boat.

The sailors were reluctant to let me aboard, until I cast fire at the sky. I believe they only let us on out of fear; is this a sin? We sailed for England, and I had carnal relations with the young woman five times over the next two days.

On the third day, a larger ship approached us from Norway, with the men on board shouting things that I did not understand. Members of the crew grabbed me and the girl, and put the girl on the other ship. I confess that I coveted her and wanted to get her back for myself. However, I then noticed that one of the men on the other ship was aiming a spear at me. Although my arms were held, I was able to cast fire at him, and he dropped the spear. The ship caught fire, and I confess that I drove my crew away from them, hoping that they would burn and drown for what they had done for me. I doubt that they did; the fire was small and they had plenty of water with which to put it out.

Two days later the boat landed me in England, and set off immediately back to Norway. I knew where I was, and returned to Burnham, avoiding towns and villages until I was close enough that they knew me already. I confess that I had carnal relations with Ethel atte Mill, Sybil le Alewyfe, and Margaret of Alnwick. I returned to Burnham without other incident.

I confess that I felt great pride when I became a full magus of the Order of Hermes.

Mea culpa, mea culpa, mea maxima culpa.

Hearing this, I spoke to my troubled friend:

My son,

Surely you can see how much more easily your journey could have been accomplished if you had only curbed your lust! Thus it is with the path the Heaven: do but follow the Commandments and the example set us by the saints and, indeed, by Our Lord himself, and the way will be smooth.

[pride - 2]

Pride is one of the gravest sins, as you know. Pride in the power you have by the Gift that God has granted you is an error - rather give thanks to the Lord for His beneficence. Remember this in future and use your God-given power for His work.
We are all called to humility before the Lord. For your sins of pride, your penance is to mortify your flesh as a reminder of that humility for a period of seven days.

I know you have had cause to wear a hair-shirt beneath your robes before, and probably have it with you. Would that its presence alone acted as a reminder! If you do not have it, I will lend you mine, my friend.

[lust - big number]
[intercourse outside marriage - 9]
[adultery - 1 for sure, probably more like 4]

Alas, the devil never rests in tempting you this way! Usually, I would set a penance of mortification for such sins, but I can see it has not worked as yet to drive this demon from you. I bid you try another means to drive this demon away; every night for the next twenty days, before lying down to sleep, you should spend an hour on your bare knees praying to Our Lady, Mother of God and the very image of pure womanhood, begging her protection, and meditate upon her purity that you will learn to see in all women a reflection of Mary.

[murder - 1, almost certainly more]
[attempted murder - several]

I understand that you were, for the most part, acting in self defence with no intention of killing, which gives some excuse but does not pardon your sin. Your wish that the fire and waves might destroy the seamen, that is worse for it involves revenge and pride. It matters not that the sea extinguished the flames, for it is your intention that forms the sin. Does not the Lord God have sole right to vengeance, where it is due? Life is God's gift, for him to give and for him to take away. For your arrogance in presuming to take on the role of the Almighty, your penance will be, for the purification of your soul, to take but one meal a day and to abstain from meat and wine for a period of forty days.

As for the hurts and death you caused, the penance is a period of seven months during which you will not set your hand to any weapon.

[wrath - 2]

For giving way to your anger, your penance is to read the psalms through seven times, with reflection on their meaning. Let the words of the psalmist sink into your heart whence you may recall them when tempted to give way to wrath. They will help you pause and reflect on the goodness of God while your anger dissipates.

[intimidation - 2]

It is sinful to cause fear in the innocent. Your threats with fire were wrong but I see that you did not fully understand this and thus your sin is less serious than it might have been. For penance, read and meditate upon the Holy Gospel according to St. John. You may borrow my copy if you need.

[abduction -1]

Had you not taken the girl with you, many sins would have been avoided! Remember in future that we are called to avoid not only sin itself but also the occasions and circumstances that lead to sin. To remind you not to make it easy for the devil to tempt you, your penance is to recite 40 Paternosters, pausing over the words 'Et ne nos inducas in tentationem'.

[incendiarism - 2]

I understand that the conflagrations were caused by your giving in to anger, which we have already dealt with. However, some penance is necessary. You are to carry out some charitable act in secret. Keep alert and God will put some opportunity your way to perform this.

If you are truly sorry for your sins and resolve to sin no more, let me hear you recite the Confiteor and, since we are all sinners, I will join you in the prayer.

Then bow your head while I pronounce the words of absolution and blessing.

Go in the peace of God, and pray for me.

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Private Thoughts of Father Edwin Fairchild

Private Thoughts
of Father Edwin Fairchild